1
t
this life i live gives me multiple test
with limited rest through reality checks
relieving my stress through cigarettes and sex
and unless my check is blessed
with an extra zero then my mirror
won’t be the only one l o o k i n g at me
2
for she s e e s my worry that henessy can’t bury
along with the words that she’s already heard
now she’s wearing concern as i’m feeling her nerves
still i try to insist as she’s clinching her fist
but the mist from her eyes detects my weak disguise
and my desperate lies
3
t
hat’s affecting my kids, and it’s nothing they did
it’s just hard to get better when your coat is your sweater
and the letter from school, makes you feel like a fool
as if you didn’t know that white stuff was snow
it’s bad enough i pawn my stuff because you can’t get a coat
when you know you are broke like the promises they heard
when i gave them my word seems they learned to accept it
but i know it affects them, but i don’t let them
see my pain, as my sun turns into rain
and I’m fighting back the tears
because they’ve aged beyond their years
with no fears to know the difference
because they’re shield within their innocence
4
s
o diligent i remain feeling framed by life’s informant
making me feel less than normal, but loyal i’ll stand as a man
imposing my will, continuing to deal with the bills
that have me fed up, playing catch up with no fries
telling lies to hide
from terminations, they’ve grown impatient
with the excuses i’ve been using
sounds amusing? but look what who’s losing
their mind and their soul
feeling robbed like a victim in a system that won’t listen
5
i
’m tired of kissing the ass of the person that pass
my last promotion thought i was joking
when i told him i’ll choke him if it happen again
now i’m in for assault for the charges they’ve brought
never thought i would be caught by my own admission
drawing attention to the tension and the stress within my chest
6
t
hough i must confess, i need God to bless
my space to be, because truthfully
i’m on the edge living as dead
being fed by possibilities, that’s killing me softly
and though it’s costly i’m falsely accused
of having no desire to fire my choir
that’s singing the blues
7
b
ut i refuse to listen because i’m missing
my wife and her spirit being near me
because i’m feeling i’m stealing her mind and her soul
she needs to be whole for me and the kids to enjoy US again
it’s been a long time
since i’ve breathe with ease
trying to please the seeds
to OUTGROW the weeds
that’s trying to c-h-o-k-e
my family tree
8
b
ut now i’m taking the blame, no more of the game
of playing russian roulette by living check to check
because i’m determining what’s happening next
so i make a vow to myself with all i have left
something has to give
in this life i live
